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If you think your rant about a chaotic Saturday dinner service is safe in an online culinary forum then think again. According to leaked intelligence reports the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is not just watching extremists but also line cooks. They are using military logic to do it.
We will refer to the user simply as a redditor to protect their identity. Here is the breakdown of how a demand to feed a dishwasher became a National Security threat.
Phase 1: Your City is a “Battlespace”
The redditor was not initially flagged because of what they said but because of where they stood.
DHS has adopted a military doctrine called “Force Protection.” Under this logic they view the civilian population near federal facilities not as neighbors but as a “hostile environment.”
The Geofence: The user lived in the Rio Grande Valley near a Border Patrol facility. DHS designated this entire region a “Force Protection zone.”
The Dragnet: DHS did not need a warrant to find them. They issued a request to “Big Data and Ad Tech” brokers. They bought Mobile Advertising IDs (MAIDs) harvested from harmless looking apps like weather trackers and games to pinpoint phones near “Critical Infrastructure.”
The Result: By simply existing near a federal building and posting on Reddit the user was swept up in a “Situational Awareness” dragnet.
Phase 2: The “Translation” (Or How to Misread a )
Once the user was flagged DHS deployed private contractors to build a “Sociological Profile.” They scraped the user’s history specifically looking at their posts in a forum for kitchen staff.
The analysts likely needed to hit a quota to justify their contract so they took standard Back of House (BOH) lingo and translated it into counter terrorism threats. You literally cannot make this up.
Exhibit A: The Staff Meal
What the User Said: “Feed your staff, ESPECIALLY THE DISHIE!!! This is a non negotiable”
How DHS Classified It: “Anti government extremist rhetoric”
The Logic: The analyst decided that demanding fairness from a restaurant manager is actually a psychological rejection of State Authority.
Exhibit B: The Closing Restaurant
What the User Said: “Heard 86 house. It sucks, just move on” (Advice on a restaurant closing)
How DHS Classified It: “Destabilization narratives”
The Logic: A comment about a business failing was reframed as a desire to “destabilize” the regional economy.
Exhibit C: The Wage Gap
What the User Said: General complaints about low wages
How DHS Classified It: “Radicalization Indicators”
The Logic: Economic struggle is viewed as a “precursor” to violence. In their eyes being poor makes you a pre terrorist.
Phase 3: The Kill Chain (Palantir & Subpoenas)
It did not stop at a file. The system is designed to unmask you.
ImmigrationOS (Palantir): The dossier was uploaded into a data fusion platform provided by Palantir Technologies. This links the “Ad Tech” location data with the “threat” profile.
The Loophole Subpoena: To get the user’s real name DHS used an Administrative Subpoena (19 U.S.C. § 1509). This law is supposed to be used for investigating customs fraud and tariff evasion. DHS repurposed it to demand IP logs from Google and Reddit without a judge or a warrant.
The App: This info feeds into ELITE which is a mobile app that allows field agents to pull up the redditor’s dossier and “heat maps” of their location during routine traffic stops.
The TL;DR Summary
DHS paid contractors to scrape a culinary forum. They found a line cook asking for dishwashers to get free food. They classified this as “Anti government extremism” to fill a “Force Protection” quota. They then used a tariff law loophole to subpoena Google for the user’s identity all because the user lived near a government building.
The system is designed to generate false positives because false positives justify the budget.
Be careful out there chefs. Apparently asking for a staff meal is now an act of insurrection.
Source: Ken Klippenstein’s Note
